It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: Prioritizing Mental Health, Rest, and Wellbeing as You Get Older

There’s no pretty way to say this, so I’ll just say it: there have been moments when I haven’t been feeling like myself.

Where I’ve been low on energy. Low on motivation. Just… off.

And if I’m being honest, my first instinct wasn’t to sit with that feeling or question it. It was to push through. To keep going. To do what needed to be done because life doesn’t pause just because you’re tired or overwhelmed, right?

We’ve been taught that.

As women — as adults — we’re socialized to power through discomfort without acknowledging it. We’re praised for being strong, resilient, dependable. For showing up no matter what. Life’s got to life, after all.

There’s no gold star for saying, “Hey, I’m not okay.”

Needing help isn’t celebrated. Vulnerability isn’t always welcomed. Taking a break can feel indulgent, even irresponsible. And so we press on. We show up. We exist. Sometimes barely.

But here’s the thing I’m learning (and relearning): it is okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to admit that something feels off.

It’s okay to need rest — real rest, not the kind where you’re still mentally carrying everything.

It’s okay to take time for yourself without explaining or justifying it.

It’s okay to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay to focus on your physical health because your body is not separate from your wellbeing.

You don’t have to earn rest by burning yourself out first. You don’t have to justify slowing down. And you definitely don’t have to keep pushing just to prove you can.

Reflection on Friendships

Reflecting on the places in my life where I stayed longer than I should have — not because they were good for me, but because I told myself I should be able to handle it. Friendships, for example. I stayed long after it became clear that my care and effort weren’t being reciprocated. I was always pouring in, checking in, showing up, making space — only to feel like an afterthought in return. I told myself that loyalty meant endurance. That maybe if I just tried harder, things would change. I stayed longer than I should have.

Work and Burnout

Then there was the job I stayed in that didn’t align with me, that slowly burned me out. A role that caused so much anxiety I’d wake up from nightmares about work, my chest tight, my heart racing. Panic attacks became part of my normal. And still, I stayed — because I had a job. Because stability mattered. Because I convinced myself that being grateful meant tolerating misery. I stayed longer than I should have.

Ignoring My Health

And the one where I ignored my body when it started waving red flags. The constant lethargy. The aches. The way even small tasks felt heavy. I kept pressing on, prioritizing everything and everyone else before my own health. Over the past year, I’ve finally made my physical health a priority — and I can see now just how loudly my body had been asking me to listen.

As I inch closer to 40 (yes, I mention it a lot — it’s a milestone, dammit), I’ve found myself reflecting more than ever. I think about my younger self often. The version of me who thought pushing through was the only option. I’m learning that acknowledging when you’re not okay is not weakness — it’s wisdom.

Pretending you’re okay when you’re not comes at a cost. Eventually, that bill comes due. So here’s the truth: you are not broken. You are human. And it is more than okay to not be okay.

As I move into the next decade of my life, I’m making a promise to myself: to listen, to pause, to honor my needs, and to choose intentionally how I show up. Not just surviving. But actually living.

How often do you give yourself permission to pause and care for your mental, emotional, and physical health? Could today be the day you finally listen to what your body and mind have been asking?